President Crapo thankfully put me in a trio with two zone leaders Elder Flygare, who is my buddy from the MTC who is going home in two weeks, and his companion Elder Cardenas. Our area is called ¨Quatro de Febrero¨ which is the name of the main colony we work in. We have seen so many amazing things already.
The first couple days were some of the hardest days ever to be honest. I was a little homesick, but the anxiety I had from doing a complete 180 of my daily life was insane. I´ve never had anxiety before or stress like that and it was almost unbearable. The mission is already so different from normal life, plus a lot of the things I remembered about the mission had changed. The way we work and the weekly routine. Not drastically but it was just another thing that was different and made it more difficult. I definitely thought at one point that there was just no way that I could do this.
Wednesday night I prayed so hard. I just prayed that my head could clear and I could focus again on what I came back to finish and what I am to accomplish as a missionary. I prayed that I could leave all of my personal problems and focus on the people that I was suppose to be serving. It was difficult, but then I read in the Book of Mormon Alma 7:11-12 ¨And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind. And this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and sicknesses of his people... That he may know according to the flesh how to succor (comfort) his people according to their infirmities.¨
Although those first 2 or 3 days I felt as if no one could really understand what I was going through, it was then that I realized, again, that the Savior always knows our pains and afflictions. He understands them better than we ourselves understand them. I woke up Thursday morning and all the anxiety and stress was gone. I felt totally back to normal and accustomed to the mission again. I was honestly maybe the most thankful that I have ever been in my life, that God answered my prayer.
There´s honestly so much I want to share with you all. But my time is limited so I´ll end with one last spiritual thought. I read this week as well in Mosiah 15. Verses 7-8 prophecy of the Atonement and Crucifixion of Christ. It says, ¨Yea, even so he shall be led, crucified and slain, the flesh becoming subject even unto death, the will of the Son being swallowed up by the will of the Father... and thus God breaketh the bands of death...¨
Jesus Christ did not want to suffer the pain that he suffered. He asked His Father to ¨let this cup pass from me¨. But he says ´nevertheless not my will, but thine be done´. One thing that I feel I can be proud of in these past few years is always trying to do what the Lord wants me to do. I knew how difficult it would be to come back but I know doing what I want to do isn´t how I become closer to my Heavenly Father, but by doing His will for me.
I love Him with all my heart. And I know this year will be tough at times, but I know 100% that this is where I´m suppose to be. I can´t wait to continue to see the miracles that will happen in this next year. I know this church is true with every ounce of my being. I know I am on the Lord´s errand doing His work. I love you all with all my heart! Talk to you next week!
Love Elder Gurksnis
Some quick family pics before Elder Gurksnis headed out.
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